Since all of the content on this blog is always written from a coaches perspective, I thought I would take some time to share my view of the 2014 season, while it’s still fresh in my mind. ย While the three of us have been working towards the same common goal for the last year, the roles we play, as well as our perspectives are entirely different.
This year has been incredible. ย Full of far more highs than lows, but I definitely won’t pretend that my training and keeping the end goal within reach was always rainbows and butterflies. ย In fact, the first hurdle I had to overcome was trust. ย I consider myself a very loyal athlete. ย I had the same gymnastics coach from the time I was 7 until I was 18. ย The only reason we parted ways was because it was time to go to college. ย I feel very strongly thatย a successful coach/athlete relationship simply isn’t having a coach say “jump” and an athlete saying “how high”, but rather figuring out how one another tick andย building a relationship of trust in order to be able to effectively communicate back and forth. ย I didn’t really have a coach in 2013, but rather followed a blog, so I was both excited and apprehensive about having the opportunity to get individualized coaching and programming. ย Myย excitementย was due to the fact that I knew I could only get better, butย myย apprehensionย was due to the fear of letting someone other than myself down. ย More on that in a bit. Spencer, Mike and I started working together shortly after the 2013 season and right away the ‘trust’ aspect of our working relationship was tested. ย Mike approached me about cleaning up some of my gymnastics movements and my immediate thoughts were “How are you going to tell ME how to do gymnastics movements when you don’t have nearly the resume that I do in that field?” ย I think he could read that thought on my face, and explained to me how all my inefficiencies were holding me back, and simply asked me to trust him. ย I guess at that moment I decided if I wanted to get better, I needed to trust my new coach, and trust his process, even if I was skeptical. ย Mike continued to pick apart my movement for 5 months and when I showed up at my first local competition in January, without sounding arrogant, it was drastically different how I performed all of my gymnastics movements, versus everyone else. ย It was my first moment where I felt like what I was doing was paying off, and my effort in the detail was being rewarded. ย The second piece of me that had to be “all in” was with my programming. ย There were multiple times that Spencer simply asked me to trust him. ย He didn’t necessarily explain why we were doing what we were doing, but asked me to be patient. ย At times it was SO hard. ย We are all creatures of self doubt. ย Nearly weekly I would sit back and think to myself “Am I doing enough?” “Am I doing too much?” “Am I doing enough of the right things?” ย “Am I getting stronger?”. ย While Spencer and I have a great relationship, I had to watch the number of times I asked those questions, or very quickly I could be a very needy, high maintenance athlete that no coach would want, or should have to work with. ย When the conversation would arise he would simply ask me “Will you just trust me?” and I’m so thankful I did. ย While I’m still not the strongest athlete in the field, I feel quite proud that I finished 5th on one of the sled pushes, and PR’d my overhead squat at 216lbs in front of thousands of people. ย In 2013 I would have finished dead last on both of those workouts – guaranteed.
Self Doubt. ย It’s my #1 enemy. ย The thing is, it’s everyone’s #1 enemy. ย I was reminded of this the whole week at the Games. ย One of the coolest things to me to reflect on is some of the conversations I had with some of the women behind the scenes. ย These are my competitors, yet they are my supporters. ย We want to go out and beat each other on the field, but behind it all, we are talking one another up so that we can each get out there and put our best foot forward. ย I sometimes wish that Crossfit was able to capture our conversations and broadcast them to the world, so people can really see that behind the show, and the game we are able to put together, we are normal people, who like everyone else, question whether or not we are going to make it out alive. ย While I didn’t talk to every single person on the topic, I would be willing to bet that the majority of us all worried from time to time that we were going to let down a coach, our gym, our friends, supporters, etc if we weren’t able to live up to expectations. ย The thing I have learned over the last year is that the only expectations that have been set are the one’s I’ve set for myself. ย It’s a necessary evil, because it’s one of the reasons I do well. ย If I didn’t set expectations of myself, and simply trained to “have fun”, I wouldn’t show up on game day to fight. ย But in the moment of “failure”, or rather, when things don’t work out the way you expected, it’s a hard pill to swallow. ย In fact, I remember apologizing to Mike after the muscle-up biathlon, as I felt I let him down. ย We had a conversation about why I would even think of something so absurd, but in reflecting I know this is an area I need to improve next year.
As I traveled on this journey one question that weighed on my mind for quite some time is “Why do I do competitive CrossFit?”. ย Not “Why do I CrossFit” because to me, CrossFit for sport and CrossFit for health/longevity are very very different. ย Some people say because it’s fun, but the truth is, for me it’s not fun. ย The competitions sure are, I love competing, but the two to three times a year I compete aren’t enough of a reason to keep me going. ย The training is vicious. ย The body aches and pains are sometimes overwhelming, and trying to balance being a mom, wife and athlete are sometimes nearly impossible. ย I guess I’m at peace with the answer that I feel God created me with a set of gifts. ย He created me with an intrinsically motivated mindset, a very stubborn personality and a way of life where I can’t imagine not fighting my tail off for something. ย When I do something it’s to the best of my abilities, I don’t do anything with mediocrity. ย Trust me, sometimes I would like to – simple things like cleaning the house, but it’s just not who I am. ย I also feel I’ve been given these opportunities to be a role model for my kids. ย To show them what strength, hard work and dedication looks like. ย And lastly because I’ve learned over this year that I’m an inspiration to people. ย That is still hard for me to swallow, because I don’t really look at myself as ‘inspiring’. ย I think to be an “older” Games athlete, to have a full life outside of the sport, and to maintain a bit of “normalcy” if you will, speaks to a certain group of people and I’m a reminder that anything is possible. ย I will happily take that role and continue to give it my all until I feel God has shut all the doors and channeled my life in a different direction.
All in all, it is bittersweet to step away from this year. ย While I am SO ready to relax, to mentally unwind and to eat whatever type of garbage I come across, I’m also sad that everything I have worked for this last year is done. ย It was an indescribable experience. ย I am so proud of what I accomplished this year and the improvements I made since last. ย I am grateful to Mike and Spencer for the effort they put into making me better. This year brought a o many people and so many memories that are etched into my heart and mind. ย I’m looking forward to what this next year has to bring. ย Thank you to everyone who supported me this year and continues to amaze me with your kind words of encouragement.
Emily
