Twas the night before The Open, when all through the gym
not a workout was happening, not even a swim.
The barbells were hung in the gun racks with care,
in hopes that Dave Castro wouldn’t put corn rows in his hair.
The athlete were restless all night in their beds
while visions of snatches bombarded their heads.
And Rich in his Nano’s and Mat in his Nikes,
are praying against the god-awful assault bike.
When out of my dream state I jumped with a clatter,
what if Dave gave us a heavy clean ladder?
Too good to be true I reasoned away,
Weightlifters lost their shot with 15.1 A.
The heavy and skilled are saved for the big show
high rep burpees and box jumps are coming we know.
Or what what if this year’s Open was different,
and HQ’s introduction of dumbbells would be brilliant?
What a different year this would be for those with true grit.
Who knows the Open may actually test who is fit!
The true athletes of Crossfit would all get their way
as 17.1 might be their day!
Now Fraser Now Fisher!
Now, Bridges and Briggs!
On, Dottir’s! On, Ohlsen!
On, Panchik and Heppner!
To the top of the rings!
To the top of the rig!
Now pull away! Push away! Squat away all!
Alas it’s just a dream that likely will fail
we all know the Open is for every women and male.
5 long weeks ahead we all hope to survive,
cringing each time a new announcement is live.
And then, in a twinkling, I thought to myself
what if Froning wins the Open, what would the world do with itself?
A beautiful idea ran through my head round and round,
could a washed up team player win the whole thing? Oh my what a sound!
What will happen tomorrow when our titans all clash?
Could Castro give getups, or is that too brash?
A lot of haters will be quick to show what others lack,
While bro-reps abound and yet they get no flack.
My eyes how they twinkled at a simple little plot.
What if standards were followed, oh my, what a thought?
Mat’s smug little smile will draw up like a bow,
and Katrin’s thirst for a threepeat will continue to grow.
Athletes all over the world will work till their body is all jelly,
And likely wonder if we had too much food in our belly.
Tomorrow Dave will show up, like an excited little kid,
and he’ll laugh as he reminds us, we signed up, we did.
With a curl of his lip and a snap of his head
we will all be reminded
we have something to dread.
He’ll list off the movements with a grin and a smirk
and remind the whole world why we all think he’s a jerk.
But in the name of fitness, he will prevent any misstep
and with the rules enable the over zealous “NO REP!”
The Open starts now and we’ve worked for a year
this is not a time for weakness, complacency, or fear.
Tomorrow we’ll hear Dave explain, as he smiles ever so
The Open begins now, 3…2…1… GO!